I miss my sis.

It's not you, it's me...

I’ve hit a period of malaise and it’s lasted longer than I thought it would. April is the anniversary month of Josh’s diagnosis. It seems that I slow down every April. It was such a time of helplessness and uncertainty. It was the beginning of the end of what was, up to that point, the best part of my life.

Spring comes and I seem to hit an icy patch. Not that I don’t have fun or neglect the most important things in my life. But I tend to drop a lot of extras and let a lot of projects slide.

I regret not blogging in a while because, in my head, I’ve had a lot to talk about.

So, I’m going to try to play catch-up.

Here is a quick synopsis of April:

It started with tubes for Danny’s ears. It was an emotional event because Danny’s surgery was scheduled just days before the anniversary of Josh’s diagnosis. I sat in a sedation room much like the one I sat in with Josh countless times holding him until he was completely under. I never got over the powerful feeling of seeing my child become completely lifeless in a matter f seconds. I never had a worry about Danny’s safety because I knew the doctors and this hospital well. But holding little Danny and looking into his trusting eyes just before he went under the anesthesia took me back to a place I wasn’t prepared to go. The photo is of the Child Life Specialist working with Danny before the operation to get him comfortable with the mask. He looks so vulnerable in his little hospital jammies.

On Easter Sunday, I took a brighter trip down memory lane when Gracie wore a dress my mother made for me over forty years ago. Danny looked pretty dapper, to in his little boy outfit. Here’s an attempt at a family photo …what can you do…

We celebrated Gordon’s birthday by heading about two hours out of town to spend a couple days in Lake City. We visited the coolest toy store ever and rode their hand carved carousel. We introduced the kids to mini-golf at their little course. Gracie loved the water and Danny never let go of his ball. He very seriously put it into each hole and quickly retrieved it. The next day, we visited the Eagle Center and spent time with some beautiful bald eagles who are unable to survive in the wild. We learned that an eagle can spot a mouse in the grass two football fields away. When we told Gracie that it is forbidden to take Bald Eagle feathers, she very seriously gathered the downy feathers in the aviary and gave them back to the eagles.

We spent time on the water and watched the sun rise over the lake each morning. A stop at “Flat Pennies” Ice Cream and we were on our way home.

A sweet friendship is developing between Danny and Gracie. I love watching them play. Here are a few pictures of the two of them being baby birds in their nests.

On April 23, Danny became a legal member of our family. I assumed the court hearing would be a formality: a legal maneuver to check off the list. However, when Gordon and I had to raise our right hands and swear to care for and love our boy with all our hearts and give him best opportunities in life I almost lost it. As parents, we rarely state out loud the commitment we make to our children for the rest of our lives. To actually state these words for all the world to hear was an incredibly moving experience. Naturally, we celebrated in grand family tradition by heading to our neighborhood bakery and indulging ourselves!

April can’t go by without a few showers and since we’re in the middle of a drought, we had to make our own showers. There’s no one better than a kid to get soaked in style.

And on that note, I’m only a month behind and 25 minutes past my bed time. I’ll leave you with one last shot brought to you by PBS Kids. After watching an episode of Curious George in which he makes a spider web out of string and tape, Gracie endeavored to do the same. I think her result is pretty impressive. She even caught a real live ant. If you look closely you can see where all my missing spatulas have gone.

Oh wait! I have one last photo for April: my two sweet puppies lapping up water from their doggie dishes!