Day four: "Big Bless"

This is the day all adoptive families wait for: the date at the U.S. Embassy to apply for a travel visa. We needed to leave at about 6:15. So we had another early morning. Due to an intense storm the day before, there were rolling blackouts all night long in our hotel. The next morning I headed for the shower only to discover that there was no hot water! Talk about a wake up call!

This day, we were using the driver supplied by our adoption agency. Our adoption fees covered the service of a ride to the Embassy to apply for the Visa, and again the next day to pick up said Visa. Edwin had completely spoiled us. I must say, the agency’s driver was certainly amiable and more then patient. He stood calmly by while two sleep-deprived parents struggled to load a stroller, bulging diaper bag, bag of books and toys and a two-inch stack of paperwork into the van with no car seats. He helped Gordon through the process of paying for the Visa and getting a receipt. Then he left us to wait for our interview. He said he’d be back in an hour to pick us up, and off he went to get a bite to eat.

The wait was a struggle for Gracie. She is an energetic cheerful child, and being stuck in a drab government building is just not her thing. But she’s a trooper and she joyfully played the gravity game endlessly with Danny. (I drop, you pick up, etc. etc.) Then she saw the large America flag in the corner. How tempting is that? She ran over, and before we could stop her she had wrapped herself completely in the flag and was spinning around joyfully. This was a game she had been playing in the hotel drapes just a couple hours earlier and it was difficult to explain why the flag wasn’t fair game.

Sorry no pictures by decree of the US Government! But here's one to tide you over...

Luckily we were called shortly after this. First we entered a small closet sized room and handed over our paperwork while someone examined our passports. Then we were dismissed to wait for one more interview. About 20 minutes later we were called to the infamous window #10. “Please raise your right hand. Do you swear that the information in this documentation is the truth.” “Yes.” “Have you fulfilled the requirements in your state to complete an adoption?” “Yes.” “Congratulations, come back tomorrow at 3:30 to pick up your Visa.”

Done.

That’s it?

Yep. Done!

Well, not quite. Our driver, who said he’d be back in an hour, did not show up for another hour. He had instructed us to wait by the exit doors so he could see us. We stood there with an increasingly hungry and impatient Gracie, and a still feverish Danny. We were dripping with sweat in our “Business Casual” Embassy outfits, I could feel my hair soaking up the humid air and beginning to extend on either side of my head – defying gravity.

Finally, FINALLY there he was. Amiable as ever, calmly watching us make our way down two flights of stairs with the aforementioned baggage. When he deposited us at our hotel, we let him know that we wouldn’t need him to drive us to the Embassy the next day. We would be using our new best friend, Edwin.

Whew, back to the air conditioned bliss of our hotel. Our original plans were to meet Edwin lunch time and head for the city of Antigua to do some sightseeing and shopping. However, we were still worried about Danny. He was much improved from the day before but I was still worried. We called the pediatrician to ask a few questions. He said that the best thing for Danny would be to be seen at a hospital for x-rays and blood work to confirm the pneumonia and to determine whether he needed additional care. I felt the blood drain from my face. What next!?

While waiting, Gracie melds all her playdoh colors to create an "Ox-rainbow" with craters!

So Edwin took us to the ER instead of Antigua. I had visions of the ER in our town: a germ pit with endless waiting. I assumed that in Guatemala City, with over twice the population of our city, things would be even worse. Imagine our surprise when we were issued into an empty, spotless waiting room and shortly after that, a charming pediatric exam room. Thank God Edwin was there to translate. We were able to give the medical staff detailed information about Danny’s condition and the meds he was taking.

X-rays were taken, blood was drawn, tears were shed (mine and Danny’s). We met with the pediatric on call doctor and a viral specialist. They explained that Danny did indeed have pneumonia in both lungs. If his white counts were seriously elevated, he would need to be hospitalized and receive IV antibiotics. Finally results were back and we received good news. Danny’s blood work did not indicate a need for hospitalization. They were pleased with his progress to date and recommended that we continue as instructed by our doctor. We promised to have him come out the night before we left to give Danny the green light for flying.

The doctors were appalled that he had not been receiving formula for his first year. They were concerned about the nutritional value of a milk diet. They recommended Pediasure instead of milk. They emphasized fluids and calories were to be our focus.

I can’t even begin to describe how relieved I felt after this visit. I felt like we were finally on the right track. The care we received was outstanding and the staff was incredible. While we were waiting for results I asked Edwin why there was no one else in the waiting room. He explained that few people in Guatemala could afford this hospital. Here’s that thing that really got to me: our bill for an ER visit, x-rays, lab work, doctor exam and a visit by a viral specialist was $178. This expense which we could pay for out of petty cash was too much for most of the people living in Guatemala City. I also thought about what the excellent doctors must be earning if the cost of their care was so little. What heroes to stay in their country rather then look elsewhere for what surely would be a much bigger paycheck.

As we were leaving, I asked the doctor what would have happened to Danny had he been at the orphanage in his condition for any longer. She said that three more days and he would have been lucky to have made it to the hospital on time.

I told this to Edwin as we were driving back to the hotel. I told him how we hadn’t been expecting to get our pink slip as soon as we did. “Can you imagine” I said, “what could have happened? Thank God for getting that pink slip early.”

Edwin said, “This is a big bless. A big big bless.”

Later that night when we got home Gordon and Edwin headed to the grocery store to buy provisions I stayed with a passed out Gracie and an ever improving Danny. Looking at my beautiful children and feeling Josh’s presence so strongly I agreed: A big big bless indeed!

Being a big sister is hard work!

Yes, all this plastic is really enjoyable, but what I really need.....

Is a spoon and the remote. Now I'm groovin'!

Big Bless!!

Day 3: The first leg of the journey home

Morning in Beautiful Guatemala

The morning of our departure dawned: clear and crisp and beautiful. Danny’s fever seemed to have subsided in the night. The migraine gremlins who live in my head were re-thinking their strategy after I’d hit them with a dose of my super-duper migraine medicine. Gracie entertained Danny while we got dressed and ready to head for the Children’s Home for breakfast.

Wake-up call

Things took a bit of a turn once we got to the orphanage. First of all, it was hot and loud inside. Second, Danny was not at all interested in solid food and began to feel feverish again. And finally, as we sat down to our breakfast of warm milk and cornflakes, I turned my chair to face a reluctant Gracie and pinched her finger between our two chairs. Gracie screamed, and my head suddenly began to throb. There was no consoling her and I was sure that all the nannies were questioning my ability to parent an additional child.

We all left without any breakfast. I felt terrible about leaving uneaten food behind, but we had to get out of there.

Luckily, my diaper bag has the solutions to all life’s problems buried inside. About 15 bandages later, Gracie declared herself healed.

The band-aid cure-all

Romalia came by to go through Danny’s toys with us. When she arrived, Danny was playing happily on the floor with Gordon. She told Edwin that she was very relieved to see him relaxed and enjoying his new family. Dear Romalia went through each toy and, via Edwin, explained when Danny got each item, what its significance was and how he liked to play with it. She showed us how she carefully kept the letters we wrote him under his mattress. We had sent a picture of Gracie in a zip-loc bag. She told us how Danny would press the picture against his face and smile. She showed us the first toy he ever received, a cute stuffed dog. But most poignantly, she showed us the bear we had sent to Danny many months ago. She said this is his favorite toy, and told us how he hugs it and curls up against it every night. This information has helped us comfort him now that we’re home and even as I write this, he is curled up with his bear.

We were so grateful to have her loving words translated. Otherwise we never would have known the best way to comfort Danny when he wakes up at night. We never would have known that when he starts saying “lalalalalala” it means he wants something and is about to get frustrated if he doesn’t get it. We would never have known that her heart was at ease with his leaving now that she had met his loving family.

Finally it was time to go. Romalia walked Danny out to the car and put him in the car seat. This was something she wanted to do. It is only now that I think about it, I realize how difficult it must have been to put the baby you loved most in this world into someone else’s car. She said she was afraid to see him cry when she put him down. And sure enough, he cried and reached for her. My heart broke for both of them. We promised again to send pictures and assured her that our love for Danny was boundless.

And then we were off.

Our plans were to take an alternate route down the mountain side. This was a more scenic road. Without construction, the journey would be a little shorter then yesterday’s. The trade-off was that the road wound up and down the mountain about three times before connecting with the Pan-American Highway. Edwin explained that the road followed old Mayan foot paths.

OK driving in Guatemala… Let me tell you a bit about this. Big has the right of way. Cars beat humans, trucks beat cars and busses beat everyone else. Motorcycles drive in between lines of cars. To get anywhere you have to be aggressive. One more coat of paint on these cars and they would be scraping each other. While there was less traffic on our road down the mountain, there was an added element of suspense around every corner. You see, every corner was a hairpin turn that was completely blind. Edwin beeped the horn at each approach, but there was always a moment where we held our breath and expected a huge truck to come barreling around the curve.

But skillful driving and excellent descriptions of the countryside we were touring made for a beautiful descent. We passed people digging into the side of the mountain to mine for sand. The mountain was literally honey-combed with caves, all illegal, all in full sight of law enforcement. One had to wonder when these caves would collapse and bring down half the mountain. One also had to wonder what kind of poverty brings a person to take such great risks to earn a few Quetzales.

Because we were worried about Danny’s health, and my head was splitting open, we made just one stop on the peaceful if somewhat odorous shores of Lake Atitlan. But Gordon had the video camera out of the window for much of the ride catching the scenery as we passed.

How we spent our summer vacation

We travelled through marketplaces tightly packed with people and vehicles and donkeys. The contrast between the staggering poverty and the beautiful faces and clothing was breath taking. Even in extreme poverty, people were carefully and proudly dressed. Children were obviously adored and cherished.

Finally we arrived back at our hotel. We were so worried about Danny that we asked the concierge to help us find a pediatrician. She warned us that it would be expensive. This kind man travelled across town after business hours to our hotel. He stayed for a half an hour and gave us his personal phone number to call any time we had questions or concerns. The cost was $100. This is less than half of a regular 15 minute visit to our clinic.

The Doctor carefully examined Danny and told us that he was nearly certain that he had Pneumonia. He said that while he generally hates to use antibiotics, he wanted to treat this aggressively especially since we were flying out on Friday. He also said that the medication Danny was being given at the Eagle’s Nest was actually harmful and making his condition worse. The medication was making his heart race and was making breathing even more difficult.

The Doctor also reviewed Danny’s immunization records and we discovered that he was not given the Pneumonia vaccine. Also, contrary to what we were told, Danny was never given Chicken Pox vaccine.

Armed with prescriptions for an antibiotic, a steroid and another medication to help clear his bronchial passages we settled in for the night. This entailed Gordon filling our prescriptions, Gordon taking care of entertaining the kids and getting them to bed and me taking hot shower after hot shower trying to beat out the extreme headache that was now not responding to anything.

It was a long and painful night, but suddenly at about 10:00 pm, after a last ditched attempt at pain relief via a strong cup of coffee, my headache lifted!

Morning was on the way and with it, our long awaited Embassy appointment!

Siblings, deep in thought

July 21, We become a family (on Danny's birthday!)

Beautiful Guatemala

The day is finally here! In just a few short (make that long) hours, we will be together as a family.

My headache had ratcheted up a notch by this time, which made being in the moment a bit tougher. But the drive up to the “highlands” as our driver put it, was stunningly beautiful. Edwin, our driver gave us a running history lesson and commentary on the agricultural practices and traditions of the Mayan people. He found places to stop with beautiful views, tempting markets and also clean bathrooms.

Rest stop: can't resist a beautiful coat for Gracie

Yes, it is a long, long, drive

We finally reached the fork in the road that led to the orphanage and I really wish I had taken a picture because it’s like no road I’ve ever seen. What it looked like was rutty dusty space between tightly packed buildings. Even Edwin was surprised at how rugged it was. We continued with blind faith based on the directions we were given. Finally, the dirt path became a bit of a road again, leading still higher into the hills. At last we were in the parking lot of a building I have seen so many times in pictures.

As we walked up to the door, I expected security or ID checks, but we were admitted without question. Luckily, Edwin came with us and translated everything. This gave us the priceless opportunity to speak directly with Danny’s nanny and not miss a thing. When I talk about conversations with people at the Children’s Home, they are always facilitated by Edwin.

We had waited for this moment for a year, more if you count the beginning of our adoption journey back in December of 06. There were so many emotions, so many people’s lives to take into consideration. Mostly, there was Danny who was about to be introduced to complete strangers who would take him from the only home he’s ever known. As hard as it would be, we needed to go slowly and not overwhelm him.

Romalia with our boy and her boy - a bittersweet moment

Almost as poignantly, there was Romalia, Danny’s nanny. This woman has cared for and loved Danny since he was just a couple weeks old. Now she was going to be saying goodbye. We had heard from other visitors that Danny was Romalia’s favorite baby of all time.

The sight of the checker board floor got my adrenaline rushing and my tears rising up. I had never been in this place, yet I knew it well. I was very surprised at the noise level. The TV was blaring, babies were crying, kids were babbling and nannies were talking above it all.

First meeting

Then, suddenly we saw a tearful nanny bringing our sweet boy to us. He was clearly anxious. He was bundled to within an inch of his life as Romalia assumed we would be immediately whisking him off to our room. We told her that our main concern was Danny’s emotional state and that we wanted to take things slowly. I wanted to be sure she didn’t think we were too casual about meeting him, yet I wanted Danny to view this as a casual meeting.

Romalia told us that ever since the news came that Danny’s family was coming for him, he had been anxious and waking up often during the night. She said this often happens to babies who are leaving soon. She also made sure we knew that although she was heart broken, she was very glad that Danny was finally going home to a family that loved him so dearly.

Big sister is worth a second glance

We held Danny briefly. Gracie actually got a smile out of him, the first glimmerings of the adoring little brother in our home today. Then we told Romalia that we would get settled and come back in an hour or so. By this time, it was late in the afternoon and we hadn’t eaten all day.

Amazing Edwin had already taken care of getting our things to our room and ordering lunch from Pollo Compero. (A famous world-wide fried chicken chain originating in Guatemala, we learned.) After settling in and eating, and a world class melt-down from Gracie because I marred the surface of her Flan (pudding like desert) by trying to stir it up, we were ready to spend more time with Danny.

First family portrait

I headed back to the baby changing area to find Danny and Romalia. I caught her sobbing in the back. My heart broke into a million pieces. This process of adoption involves so many lives. This dear woman was trying hard to keep her grief from Danny but still the tears were streaming down her face. Edwin later said that she told him she is single and that the babies at the orphanage are her children. Romalia asked us to please send pictures. She said many families promise to do so, but few actually follow through. We promised her that we would send pictures. Later in the day, she gave us her home address as well.

After some time in our room with Danny, we headed back for dinner for Danny and for ourselves. It was then that I learned that although there is no biological connection, Danny is truly meant to be a sibling to my other two children. This boy refuses to eat just like my other two kids. I guess he is famous for refusing food. He either clamps his mouth shut, or glues his tongue to his upper gums to prevent access with a spoon. His sole goal at meal times is to take possession of the spoon and the bowl.

This gave me concern about his nutrition. The children in the orphanage are switched to powdered whole milk at six months. This is very bad and goes directly against recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics which recommends formula or breast milk as the main source of nutrition for the first year of a child’s life. Without fortified rice cereal or other food, Danny was getting nowhere near the calories or nutrients he needed.

We also had concerns about his general health. When I returned to the orphanage to pick up our meals, the staff remembered that Danny was taking several medications: one for a fever and one for a cough. There was some confusion about the dosage, but finally we had our instructions.

After returning to our room, it became clear that his breathing, which I had initially taken for nerves upon our first meeting, was actually very shallow and very rapid; about two in-out breaths per second. It was a long worrisome night. We were up every four hours to administer meds and a bottle.

Despite the worry, I felt a peacefulness knowing that whatever lay ahead, we would be tackling it as a family and that we could finally advocate for Danny in person.

With Daddy...

With Mommy...

My hero!

P.S. Please hold sweet Nathan A. and his family close in your prayers. We hope and pray that his family will soon be on their own pick-up journey.

Home!

I’ll take a break from my love fest over this fabulous new family to let you know we’re home!

In a tradition started by my dear friend, Kate’s mom, I will journal each day of our trip in a separate entry.

And since we had to wait a whole day to see sweet Danny, I’m making you wait also!

Upon returning to our house last night, I was reminded of the ruins at Pompeii where people fled in the midst of every day activities. Things happened fast around here after we received word of Pink.

Once our DNA results were submitted to the Embassy, we were told that we should expect Pink late the following week. So I was in my undefined deadline mode which is to say, I was doing very little packing. Our agency, Special Delivery also would not give us confirmation until we received Pink that we could travel to the children’s home to meet Danny. This had a major impact on packing since the children’s home, the Eagle’s Nest, is located in the highlands and can get quite chilly.

Thursday night Gordon checked his e-mail and there was our notification. Customarily, families are given seven days notice. We were given an appointment six days from notification. Once we told Special Delivery of our status, they bestowed permission to visit the Children’s Home.

As you can imagine, frantic packing ensued. We wanted to leave on Sunday (about 56 hours after we got Pink.) so that we could spend the night at Eagle’s Nest prior to returning to Guatemala City with our son.

Bags were packed we left at 4:00 am on Sunday, finally heading toward our Danny.

I’ve written a lot about this little boy. But now my Gracie gets a turn. This girl was amazing on the airplane. She settled into her seat, got out her sticker book and went to work. We were helped along by the fact that sitting next to us was a woman travelling with her small puppy. Any time Gracie got a bit loud or impatient, I reminded her that we didn’t want to bother the puppy. Humans don’t rate, but for puppies…well…

Gracie with her puppy "Quenta" and the greatest invention since sliced bread!

In Dallas, we thrilled to rides on the “flat escalator.”

I had two memorable moments on the plane:

The first was, for me, a definite sign that Josh was with us on this journey. It needs a little background: when Josh was almost exactly the age Gracie is now, we went on our Make-A-Wish trip to Chicago. We took a cab from the train station to the hotel. Midway through the ride, the dispatcher came over the radio to announce an available fare. Josh’s eyes got as big as saucers and he said in awe: “We’re in a talking car!” Gordon started to explain the whole radio thing and Josh adamantly said: “NO! We’re in a talking car!” Flash forward five years to our plan ride. The attendant came on to announce something and now it was Gracie’s turn to have big eyes as she announced: “The airplane is talking to us!!” This was all I needed to know that Josh was with us every step of the way on this journey.

Second, was the indescribable emotion I felt as we flew over Guatemala. The terrain is breathtaking. But what really got me was knowing that somewhere down there, our boy was waiting for us to come and take him home. It finally seemed this was really going to happen.

Once on the ground, after working our way through customs, immigration and baggage pick-up we were met by our driver, Edwin. I will write more about him later, but suffice it to say that he was a life saver for us. He added so much to this trip by being there with us every step of the way to navigate, translate and educate us. (If you ever need a driver in Guatemala, he is the best!)

We were deposited at the Grand Tikal hotel, destination of movie stars, presidents and, thanks to a screaming deal on hotels.com, our humble family.

So very grand!

One of Gracie’s favorite sports is hotel room exploration so needless to say we enjoyed ourselves. The only little annoyance for me was the faint beginnings of the drill bit in my right temple that signaled the immanent onset of a migraine. But there was little to dampen the thrill of realizing that the first leg of our journey was complete.

Outside: a view of Guatemala City, the beautiful mountains in the distance, and of course, the Golden Arches

Room service was just fine for us that night, and we went to bed knowing that tomorrow we would meet Danny!

P.S. Please remember to pray for Nathan A. (see side bar). His birth mother has disappeared which greatly complicates the process. His parents' arms are aching for him. Please include Nathan and his family in your prayers.

10....9....8....7....6....5....4....3....2....1

PINK!!!!!

P.S. To waiting families: There is a slim chance that we can go to the Children's Home ourselves to pick Danny up. We may have time for some quick photos or video. If you'd like us to try to take some pictures of your children, please e-mail me a "permission slip" and your child's birth name so we can do this for you!

Infinity

Getting closer.....

...and closer...

By complete coincidence, the titles of my next two posts are also the names of my brother’s cats: Infinity and Serendipity. (I’d like to claim to be so organized as to plan ahead for my posts. But the real truth is that I’m behind and should have posted these much sooner.)

This final agonizing wait to bring Danny home has brought to mind an early math lesson. I loved math as a kid. I loved doing long division on difficult problems and calculating things to the furthest possible decimal point. Perhaps that is why I have such vivid memories about learning about the concept of infinity: that cute little sideways 8.

To explain infinity, our teacher gave us an example of cutting the distance to a particular point in half, and in half again and again. She explained that each time the distance was cut in half, you’d be closer to the finish, but you could cut that distance in half forever and never actually get to the finish line. That’s infinity.

This wait feels exactly the same way. Milestones have been reached, we are within spitting distance of the finish line but still time seems to drag on forever.

I have a hard time believing we will ever hold our sweet boy in our arms. I think it will only be when we pull into our driveway with our family complete that I’ll be able to relax and envision the next leg of our journey together.

Our distance was cut in half again today with the wonderful news that we have a MATCH!! While we’ve been worrying about a recent report that our DNA was MIA at the lab, things have been happening and now the last hurdle before the revered “PINK” slip has been crossed.

One last word on infinity: It’s a perfect description for the never ending love I have for my sweet sweet children!

You want me to eat what?

All three kids at 9 months comtemplating a meal...