Murphy's Law

Early November, 3.5 months old

Anxiety level: fair to middling

Chocolate Consumption: The chocolate is gone. I may have to resort to spoonfuls of Nestle's Quik

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We have no update. We haven't heard from our agency since the end of the year and the newly formed Central Authority appears to be in turmoil.

This situation is not in my control. This is the first time in my life as a parent when I haven't been able to do something for a child of mine. Through Josh's illness, I could always be there to comfort him and make him laugh. I can pick Gracie up and give her a hug anytime she needs one. Danny is so far away. It seems there is nothing I can do.

So, I've resorted to gaming Murphy's Law.

Now I'm not a superstitious person. I don't believe in magic spells or crystal balls. True, I toss a pinch of salt over my shoulder every once and a while, but only because Rachel Ray does this and it seems to help her with the 30 minute dinner preparation. I know from experience that those fortune cookies never hit the nail on the head. But I have a plan which at the very least will distract me.

You know how it goes: you put off scrubbing the kitchen floor for weeks (well I do anyway...) because it will only get dirty again and no sooner do you step back to admire your work then your toddler discovers a new game called "chew the blueberries and spit them on the floor." That's Murphy's Law. So I'm extending an invitation to Murphy by doing a few things which will have to be undone immediately with the arrival of a new member of the family.

Plan A: Bedroom furniture. Yes it's true: we are adults in our 40's and our mattress has been on the floor for 8 years. Both of our kids slept in our bed from about 9 months to 2 years. And when Josh got sick he came back in with us. We plan on this arrangement for Danny also. So in the interest of safety (and procrastination) our mattress has always been close to the ground. Well Gracie has been in her room for nearly a year and JC Penny was having a sale. So we took the plunge and got bedroom furniture. We feel like grown-ups with this matching furniture! Of course, we'll have to dismantle the whole thing when Danny comes home. And now that we've gone to all this trouble, he must be coming home soon right?

Plan B: Baby clothes. I have to face the painful fact that although little Danny is indeed very little, chances are that when he comes home, he will be too big for the 0 - 6 month clothes I have kept for him. I know that he will be too big for the bouncy seat. But surely, no sooner than I clear out baby clothes, he'll be here and I'll have to go out and buy more stuff, right? Murphy's Law at work again. But now this logic doesn't feel so good.

Plan C: Furniture. No, I can't do this. Not yet. I can't get rid of the exer-saucer. I can't bear to think that it won't be used by all of our children. And it gets harder: With our new bedroom furniture, there's no room for the glider. I couldn't put this into storage. Even though we won't use it until Danny is here, I have to have it close by. It's such a symbol of loving my kids. So many sleepless nights were spent in that chair singing a little one to sleep. I've got to keep this in my sight.

(photo: 2/16/01 Josh, 6 months)

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So, I'm back to square one. This is not in my control. I will worry and fret every day until Danny comes home. I will search blogs and adoption forums looking for clues. Yes, I'll play mind games like trying to out-Murphy Murphy. But in the end it comes down to adding your thoughts and prayers to my own and finding the strength to make it through to the happy day when we bring our little boy home.

One last note: I think I said that fortune cookies miss the mark. Well, I stand corrected - I have on the fridge, Gracie's fortune from our last take-out meal: "You have the ability to be very persuasive." Now that one hit the nail on the head!