Surreal Saturday...

April 26, 2008 - snow and buds

We woke up to snow on the ground today. With May just a few days away, this is strange even in our part of the country.

However, the weather is playing right into the surreal nature of the past week. As we waited for news from PGN (it’s been six weeks since our re-submission), disturbing events began to unfold on the Guatemalan political scene.

First, the current Attorney General (PGN is the office of the Attorney General), was removed by the new president and a new AG was appointed. The old AG has appealed the case in court.

In the meantime, the new AG has removed the Sub-Attorney General, who is the person who signs off on all adoptions. The AG has ordered an audit of all processes in PGN to get to the bottom of allegations of corruption and inefficiency.

All operations at PGN have slowed or halted completely. Even cases signed by the old Sub-AG are on hold. Adoptions are on hold pending an outcome of the court case as well as the outcome of the audit.

Today, http://www.guatadopt.com/, a very reliable source for adoptions news, reports the likelihood of the Central Authority interviewing all birth mothers again (they have already been interviewed by a social worker and signed off on the adoption four times.) The caseload of adoptions pending is over 2,000. Even though the government pledged to process cases under the old system, it seems things may change.

The last delay was two-and-a-half months. No one knows what is to come this time.

If the changes at the PGN do eliminate cronyism and corruption, this will be a very good thing for the Guatemalan people. But more delays in cases that have been evaluated and re-evaluated is not a good thing for our waiting children.

Tonight, I’m feeling very hopeless. I think the fact that April is the anniversary of Josh’s diagnosis, and the beginning of a journey that led to the loss of our son is weighing heavy on my mind as we travel another frustrating road with obstacles every step of the way.

Hopelessness doesn’t mean I’m giving up on Danny – I just feel too tired to go on. I am so so tired.

After the rollercoaster of last week, I have made myself a promise: I am going to honor my feelings. I am not going to feel guilty about feeling miserable. If I feel giddy with joy tomorrow, I’m not going to feel guilty about celebrating even in the midst of uncertainty about Danny’s future.

So tonight, I’m miserable, very sad and very very tired.

Please pray for all of us who are walking this very long and uncertain path and especially for the children who are waiting to come home.

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My sweet boys:

April, 2008

April, 2003