This week marks a bittersweet milestone for us. I promised myself I wouldn’t try to figure out the date – it’s just a day. I vowed that to know it was coming was enough and I wouldn’t give it another thought.
But when you try not to think about something, it’s a pretty sure bet that you will.
It happened when Gracie put on a pair of PJ’s that belonged to Josh. They were a favorite of Josh’s and I thought Gracie would get a kick out of them. I warned her that they had feet which she doesn’t like. But she declared that she now loved pajamas with feet.
She put them on and as you can see from the picture, started dancing joyfully around. It’s always great to see her in Josh’s clothes. Then I noticed that they fit her perfectly – perhaps even a tad too tight. These were never tight on Josh and the feet were always a bit too long.
So that night as I was falling asleep – my mind went where I swore I wouldn’t take it. I did the math and figured out that this week, for the first time, Gracie is older then Josh ever was.
I don’t know what to make of it really. There are things Gracie was doing months ago that Josh never did, and things that Josh could do that Gracie can’t yet do. But nevertheless, for the first time since Gracie was born we are in new territory.
In some way it feels as if a path we were walking with Josh has come to an end. He is no longer guiding us as parents through the memories of how things were when he was a particular age.
Even though I have been a parent to Josh for eight years, I am a new parent of a three and a third year old child.
I have loved finding pictures of Gracie and Josh and now Danny doing the same thing at the same age. Now I can’t do that anymore.
I chose these two pictures of Gracie and Josh, for the last time at the same age, because I love the complete joy and abandon in each of their faces. It’s the way I remember Josh. And although it’s just a date, and it doesn’t alter my memory or my love for him, it’s been weighing on my mind all week.
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6 comments:
You have three beautiful children. The joy on those faces reflect the love in your family. And though Gracie may now be the first of your children to this stage, I tend to think Josh still goes before her as the big brother. After all, he is the one who "taught" you to be parents.
He taught you how to survive the late night challenges that young children can bring.
He taught you how to drop to your knees over your children (I think that will come in pretty handy during those teenage years).
He taught you about the unconditional love we feel for our kids - even when we want to pull our hair out.
And he taught you how to be an advocate for your children - something his little brother has already reaped the benefits of.
The experiences you had parenting Josh will continue to effect his younger siblings. Though the developmental comparison to Gracie may be waning, he was the trailblazer - he paved the way for his brother and sister in the hearts of his parents.
Thinking of you often,
YFF Erin
Therese,
A bittersweet revelation....
May you move forward from here with peace in your heart. May God comfort you and show you the way.
PS...love the pics. :-)
Julielyqr
Josh was three yet beyond three in so many ways. He packed so much of life in those years and had so many different experiences that what you did as parents will apply with Grace and Danny in various stages of life and situations. And yes, he will always be there to remind you whether through memories or perhaps a sudden call from Grandma just at the right time. Great pictures...great kids!! Thinking of you all--
Beautiful pictures and sweet thoughts. Praying for you at this moment.
You have tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart for you... praying the Lord will tenderly guide you through these uncharted waters.
I am always thinking of you and I'm grateful to be able to continue on the journey with you and your wonderful family.
Brad and Stacey Garry
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