The Ultimate in Avoidance Behavior....or....

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!?

I just heard a quote on the radio today. I think from F. Scott Fitzgerald: "You don’t take a trip, a trip takes you. "

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I can relate.

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Our upstairs bathroom, circa 1970 is small but has all the necessary ingredients: sink, toilet and shower/tub. The tub surround is some sort of rumpley vinyl paneling. Poor ventilation combined with my lackadaisical commitment to housework resulted in a rather unsightly caulk situation.

This summer we (Gordon and my dad) installed a powerful ceiling fan which rectified the ventilation problem. Then as if destiny was tapping me on the shoulder, I read an article in “Handyman Magazine” touting a new product: caulk softener. I was promised that one application of this miracle solvent would reduce the caulk to butter making it easily removable. Since we have another shower, I decided that I would decommission the upstairs tub and embark on a caulk removal project. I had visions of a fresh, sparkly, white bathing experience.

All this happened in between the scabies adventure and the as yet unforeseen herniated disk situation.

Armed with the miracle caulk softener and the best of intentions I went to work. The caulk softener worked…not at all. Plus I realized that the vinyl surround was not actually white anymore, but slightly yellow with numerous unsightly cracks. So, there I stood in the middle of the tub, surrounded by chunks of caulk, losing my will power.

In a subsequent conversation with my dad, the subject of tiling came up and shortly after that someone uttered the fateful phrase: “How hard can it be?” And to me, it sounded like a great alternative to caulk removal.

And so it came to pass that when my brother (a veteran tiler) came up for Christmas a decision was made that the ugly vinyl should be tiled over. Under the tree, a gift from my brother: his old tile cutter along with stern warnings to always wear safety glasses and never take my eyes off my fingers while the blade was running.

At first the plan was to rough up the old vinyl surface and tile over that. But my fear that all substances more then five years old contain asbestos and the fact that the drywall under the vinyl seemed a bit spongy meant we needed to move to Plan B: remove the vinyl, seal the drywall if necessary and tile.

Dad and bro removed the vinyl to reveal another wrinkle: the drywall beneath was significantly mildewed and water-stained. So the executive committee determined that I should remove the drywall.

Now my project was entering the realm of the ridiculous especially since “I” had not actually done any of the work to this point.

Fortunately, as word of my quandary leaked out to the neighborhood (read: I complained to anyone who would listen), I received a recommendation for a handyman. This wonderful person has very reasonable rates and is willing to indulge the homeowner by letting him or her “help”.

So after an initial consult, the project was once again a go. I learned that “demo” is what we call demolition. I volunteered to get the demo started. I was assigned the back wall which was not connected to any wallpaper or plumbing. A friend came over to help, and since there is really only room for one person in the tub area and she is taller than me, I still had very little ownership in the project. But all that changed when our Handyman let me drive a couple screws into reinforcing studs using a really cool tool called an “impact drill.” I am now officially “on the job!”

Throughout much of this, Danny has been watching with rapt attention. I am relatively certain that if he gets his hands on an impact drill, we will have numerous screws driven into our upstairs walls all at about the two foot level.

So, now you are officially on the trip with me. I’ll keep you posted – we’ll see where it takes us.

And now a few Danny Facts:

• He can sign: diaper change; more; eat; sleep; and done. (There are two signs for done, actually: one approved by ASL and the other consisting of hurling food and cutlery.)


• He can say “Bye-bye”; diaper: “Bia-puh” and Mmm-mmm which either means – “Nope, not gonna do it” or “yum, this is delicious.”


• Danny is the youngest of our three to consistently “cough and cover”. However, his cover consists of jamming his fist into his mouth while coughing and then applauding his excellent hygiene by clapping with his drooly hands. Still, I’m impressed.

Here are a few pictures of some joyful moments of playtime at our house during our week in the deep-freeze during which we stayed below zero degrees for four days in a row.

Waiting to inflate the "bouncy room" ...head, shoulders, knees and toes...

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Eyes and ears and a mouth and a nose...

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Gracie wears her Clifford costume under her snake costume

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There are no words for this!

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A heartwarming brother/sister moment

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How all photo shoots end: Danny wants, make that needs the camera!