Warm Bottles & Hot Flashes: 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Oooh C'est Chouette

I confess I’m a bargain maniac. There’s an irresistible thrift shop in our neighborhood that Gracie and I scrounge regularly. The fact that all proceeds go to an excellent cause is the tipping point that gives me permission to go nuts every time we visit.

With the addition of another child to our household and the requisite influx of additional plastic crap, I’ve exercised a bit more restraint of late. I’ve deliberately stayed away from their “Merry Thriftmas” because I am very tempted by Christmas decorations. But a while back, the pull was too strong and Gracie and I made our first foray of the holiday season.

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We found a reindeer for Gracie and a soft moose for Danny. Gracie set them up on a date that very night!

Gracie also found a red velvet dress with faux fur trim and a matching hat. I started to stress out when she wore it during lunch and dinner, worrying that it might not survive too many washings. Then I reminded myself that it cost $3.99 and all would not be lost if I let Gracie live in the moment. As you can see from the pictures below, she insisted not only in living in the moment, but sleeping in it as well…

We also found an adorable snow suit for Danny. It was made in France. (Oooh La La!) The design depicts a couple woodland animals in a snow storm with the accompanying phrase: “Oooh C’est Chouette.” A check on Babelfish.com told me that this means: “oh the owl” which seemed a bit strange. So I contacted a friend who is fluent in French and has spent serious time in France. She told me that the phrase is common slang to mean: “Oooh so cute!” And I have to say, I agree!

I found a few nice outfits for Danny including one pictured below that Gordon deemed to be completely “dorky.” But we both agree that while it would no doubt be dorky on either Gordon or myself, on Danny it is: Oooh C’est Chouette.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Tardy and waffling...

I have composed so many posts in my head and none of them have made it any further of late.
Some time ago, I was tagged and now I’m so late in responding that I’ve no one left to tag myself. I may remain “it” for quite some time!
I need to catch up on a few light-hearted posts before I get serious later in the week. So here goes the first one.
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I’d like to say that my delay in posting was because I couldn’t figure out technically how to respond to the “tagging.” I was asked to post the fourth picture from my fourth album. Of course, I tried to figure out a way to honor the rules and still come off looking good. But none of my options were all that great. But on the bright side, they brought back great memories and feature me with three completely different “looks!”
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OK: If I go to “my” albums under my name, there are a lot of miscellaneous photos because I don’t archive photos in my file. I only move them there when I need to use them for another purpose. But here’s the fourth photo from the fourth album. It’s a very pregnant me (one week before my due date), with Leo, a kid I tutored during his eighth and ninth grade years. We had just finished his “History Days” project. It was a labor of love for both of us; a lot of hard work that paid off. I met Leo less than a year after Josh died. As with all volunteer work, I got far more out of this relationship than I put in. At a time when many people were nervous about asking about Josh, Leo was a breath of fresh air. He asked questions with out censoring himself. One of the most amazing things this twelve year old boy said to me was: “I’ve never been in such a joyful house!” Hearing this in the depths of the first year of my grief was one of the most uplifting things I remember from that year. Here we are:

Next: I really began organizing “albums” with the birth of Grace. Finally I was putting things in chronological order and adding captions. So perhaps this is where I should pull the fourth picture from the fourth album. Here we are in Gracie’s fourth month. This is a picture from Labor Day in the park. It was one of our first picnic adventures. Interestingly enough, I saw a boy in the park in the distance who looked familiar even from far away and it turned out to be my friend Leo. What a nice tie-in. There were far better pictures from this day, but only this one was number four. Witness both Gracie and me with our baby fat!

Finally: we entered the digital age in 2003 a couple of months before Josh died. After he died, I spent a lot of time loading photos and scanning other pictures. So really, the first set of albums was recorded under Josh’s name. The fourth one from the fourth album is below. This was taken about five weeks after Josh’s diagnosis. It would have been shortly after he finally got out of the hospital after three major surgeries and two rounds of chemotherapy. The first couple months of Josh’s treatment were very rough and it was the only time in his life when we didn’t see his smile on a daily basis. It was hard to see him so depressed, but soon his natural indomitable spirit won the day and he was joyful and happy and without serious pain for the rest of his life. Interestingly enough, this photo was taken in my parents’ home. Two years ago we bought the house from them. It is a wonderful reminder that the house we’re living in today has many memories of all of our children.

So my three nominees for “fourth of fourth” are above. You choose!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A night out...

I went to the symphony last night. It was a delightful, relaxing evening.

Sitting on one side of me was a boy, probably about nine or ten. Next to him was a woman, probably his mother – maybe his grandmother. I know better then to jump to conclusions.

About twenty minutes in, the boy gave a completely silent, but much exaggerated yawn and did a little fidgeting. The woman snapped her head around to look at him.

I was expecting an equally silent, but furious “shushing” gesture or some kind of admonishment. Instead, she smiled at him in an incredibly sweet loving and understanding way. Honestly, it was so obvious to me, a total stranger, how much she loved this boy. It took my breath away. She was still putting him on notice that he needed to settle down. But in her look was the complete understanding of what it was to be a nine-year-old boy having to try to sit still through a concert, and how much she loved him for who he was.

Such a simple, beautiful gesture reminded me that the underlying message of unconditional love is the most important thing we can communicate to our kids. I want my kids to know that they can turn to me for love, even in a moment of chaos or anger and find it instantly. Mozart’s Jupiter Symphony was lovely, but that mother’s smile is a lesson I’ll remember forever.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

For every season...

For some reason I still don’t fully understand, (probably temporary insanity) I decided to potty train Gracie in the midst of the scabies adventure. Logically I suppose, I figured a few more loads of laundry here and there wouldn’t make much difference.

I know I waited too long. I’d heard so many stories of kids waking up one morning and casting aside diapers never to look back. I was hoping this lucky scenario would happen in our household. Alas, it was not to be. Each time I tried, Gracie was emphatic about not being ready, not being interested, needing to stay in diapers. Then our Guatemala trip was on the horizon and the vision of trying to find bathrooms in emergency situations scared me. So I waited until now to take the plunge.

Things were rocky in the first week, but now Gracie is doing a great job. I could tell you stories, believe me. I could tell you about Gracie proudly sloshing down the stairs with her morning output in the little potty bowl – informing us over splashes that she stayed dry all night only to be soaked by the time she reached the bottom of the stairs. I could tell you about a particularly well aimed, hurled toy from Danny that landed in a very unfortunate spot just as we were all exclaiming at a monumental accomplishment.

But this post is about an unexpected discovery I made about myself during this process. Maybe it was me who wasn’t ready.

During that first rather horrific week, I did some research in between loads of laundry. One recommendation from Dr. Sears was not to equate potty training with being a “big girl” when there’s a new baby in the house. Sometimes, being bigger isn’t always better. When a new little one is on the scene, handing over the “baby” spot isn’t all that appealing.

I started to think about what goes into a diaper change. There’s the obvious which I’m sure none of you need to be reminded about. But then there’s also the little break from the day: just the two of us. There’s no sharing of this moment. We hunker down, faces less then three feet apart. Between the pair of us, one needs help; the other is there to give it. There’s physical contact, perhaps a kiss on the foot, maybe a tickle or two. There’s a bit of conversation, the wonderful feeling of being clean and fresh, and a hug and off you go.

Am I ready to say goodbye to that little girl? When week one was over and Gracie was staying dry through the night, I peeked in on her before going to bed as usual. Suddenly she looked a little more grown up. I felt a pang for her, for me. I could see a bit of the past fading into memory.

I went to bed that night and cried. So much has changed for Gracie in such a short time. She’s a very determined little girl. Usually, things swing her way. But she can’t stop growing up. She can’t go back to being the baby of the family.

Things are right with the world. We have the family we’re supposed to have. I’m grateful every day for the five of us. But as always happens with the addition of another child, the older one didn’t get a vote – her spot in the center of the universe now must be shared, and sometimes seems to have been ceded altogether.

Gracie will be fine. So will I. But some nights I still go to bed and cry.

Here are a few moments from the Gracie play book. Some of the moments I treasure most.

Some art work from Gracie. Two are hers alone, one is a collaboration between her and daddy. I'll let you figure out which is which...

"A green caterpillar"

"Mice eating"

"Pelican eating an eel"

My determined girl... The more I emphasize that Gracie needs to stay in bed, the less likely she is to stay there. This first one came after a particularly heated discussion about the need to stay in bed. Well...since she's sleeping in the "bedside table" technically I guess she's within the law. Her closet is another favorite retreat

Finally, a picture of Gracie taking care of herself after a very "serious" injury.

Half in, half out of her bee costume.

Gracie's "sets" are infamous around our house. We don't know why she calls them sets. But a cry heard daily is "Get Danny away, he's ruining my set!!" Here are a few...

My personal favorite: the Potato Heads break into the doll house.

Finally, Gracie's new talent as a big sister is under construction. Here are a few moments with baby brother preparing for Halloween...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Misc...

I don’t understand. I will never understand. I thought I would avoid it this time; after all they were all going in together.

But still…

Where do they go? How can they get away without me noticing?

After the scabies eradication, we have socks without partners. All those little guys above went into the washing machine with their buddies, but came out alone.

So they’ll go in the bag with all the other socks without partners languishing in the laundry room. Which leads me to the next deep question: Why do I keep these wayward socks around? Does it say something about my psyche that I’m certain that the day I toss a sock its lost love will show up only to be disappointed?

Oh well…

There are a few other miscellaneous items of note around here. And not to worry, I’ve got a few pictures of actual people to catch you up with what’s been going on.

We’re at three weeks out from the Scabies and still Danny’s rash has only been reduced by about half. I keep reminding myself that the doctor at the International Adoption Clinic (IAC) cautioned us that it could be weeks if not months before all the bumps went away.

But things are complicated by the fact that our pediatrician adamantly insisted that Danny’s rash is not scabies but a dry skin rash. She didn’t deny the diagnosis, but feels the remaining bumps are a dry skin rash. The remedy for this we’re told is gooping on Aquaphor over a layer of hydrocortisone 1% solution. Our pediatrician even went as far as to say that she’d bet the IAC $100 that Danny’s rash wasn’t scabies.

Doctor's Orders

What’s a parent to do? The doctor from the IAC assures us that the goopy treatment will not interfere with the scabies healing, but she’s just as adamant about the bumps being “classic” scabies. She did caution against using the hydrocortisone any longer then about 10 days in a row. However our clinic says to use the hydrocortisone indefinitely on the bumpy areas.

I’m at a loss. I just want this poor kid to be comfortable and for his skin to clear up. I try not to worry about a scabies relapse. (But if it happens, I’ll give you some insider trading information about investing in laundry detergent stocks before I go out and replenish my supply.) Every now and then in the middle of the night I feel an itch and I’m sure those pesky bugs are back.
I’ve decided to wait another week and if there’s no further change, I’m going to start making calls to get to the bottom of this. If I have to get our two doctors into the ring together, I’ll do it for poor Danny’s sake.

In the meantime…

We’re battling a pest of another kind. For about as long as the scabies have been around, we’ve been trying to catch a mouse (mice!?!) that have left obvious clues behind. Thankfully they’ve never left a trace in our kitchen (which I would think would be paradise for a mouse given our food slinging little boy.) But every night, Gordon sets about two dozen traps and so far, we haven’t caught a thing.

Honestly, we are not slovenly people! What’s with all these pests?

Lately, very few friends have been stopping by for visits. I’m trying not to believe that it’s because they’re worried about catching something, or being caught by something!

Today when the kids and I were in the back yard, I found what looked like an obvious mouse tunnel under our back stoop. Traps are set outside and in tonight, and maybe tomorrow we’ll get lucky. If not, please send me any mouse eradication tips you have!

And now on to some pictures of much more pleasant little ones running around our house…

Most of the time, he really cracks her up! Or maybe she's just laughing about four more singlton socks!

Ready for winter!

Ensemble by Gracie. That's the border of a foam tile sticking out of Danny's back.

A couple more weeks and they should have these all bagged!

Make a wish!

Gracie has elevated her penguin so Danny can't get to it.

This is cute on so many levels. But my favorite is what you can barely see. Gracie dressed herself and she chose this dress to put on over a white fleece pull-over and white corduroy pants.