Pacing like a caged animal...

The Pumpkin Series: Early October, 2.5 months

Anxiety level: On the high side with patches of calm

Chocolate consumption: one truffle, large chocolate mousse size of a softball: just consumed

A word about the chocolate. This is an ongoing challenge. It could be worse, I could be taking the milk money and gambling it away. But warning bells are ringing. For a special treat I bought Gracie (?) a bag of organic chocolate teddy graham crackers. For days, they sat unopened on a shelf. Then one night I thought I'd just open the bag and have a handful. This led to several handfuls. The next day I found myself facing the bag, unsupervised, at nap time. So...well... just a couple handfuls. The rest would be for Gracie. That afternoon, when I went to get some for Gracie, there were literally 10 little sad chocolate bears left. I had eaten my sweet baby's entire bag of cookies! Well, really - is it so bad? The bag says eight servings, and that's for kids, right? So, technically it's what - four adult servings which I managed to spread out over two days. And anyway, I don't want her to get too hooked on chocolate!

Maybe it's the sugar, or maybe it's the waiting and the unknowns, or maybe it's a combination of both. But either way I'm pacing this house like a caged animal. I find myself distracted to the point of being completely unproductive during the day:

Pace: check voice mail for message from agency; check e-mails for update from agency. Ponder: The good news is that we have every reason to believe that our case is far enough along in the process to be grandfathered in. Yet... I worry that the delays we've experienced may mean that other paperwork has been lost in the shuffle and that we face even more delays.

Pace: run through blogs of other adopting families to see if they've received updates and pictures; call a friend to rehash our situation. Ponder: The good news, the Guatemalan Central Authority has been established and grandfathered cases can now be registered! Yet...I worry, if our attorney registers cases this week, and our case needs a few more things completed before it can be registered, will he forget to register our case?

Pace: check adoption forums for any news; check on Gracie, feel like a neglectful parent. Ponder: literally 24 hours after the Central Authority was formed, it was put on hold pending new appointments by the freshly sworn-in president of Guatemala. I worry...will cases ever begin to move forward again?

Pace: check orphanage website for any new photos. Ponder: oh joy! pictures! Oh dear, is he happy, it looks like he can support his head, did he gain enough weight?

Check on Gracie. She's sitting in a corner arranging her toy animals by genus and species and marching them in an imaginary parade. Burst into tears feeling bad about leaving Gracie with no one to play with.

Work self into a lather, repeat.