What the.....?!

My sweet girl gives me reason to smile every day.

And often I’m smiling and scratching my head at the same time.

The imagination of a toddler is a strange and wondrous place. Adult logic and sensibilities never enter the picture (thank goodness!) If I’m lucky, I am witness to the creative scene setting and I get to hear some background information. But most of the time I stumble across a gem unexpectedly.

So here, without further ado, are toddler tableaus I’ve encountered over the past few months.

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Finally, Some May Flowers...

After consuming mountains of chocolate and wearing a groove between the rest of the house and the office computer and tossing and turning with worry, there seems to be slightly more encouraging news coming from Guatemala this week.

There have been stories of Birth Mother’s being offered bribes to recant their adoption decision, there have been stories of 2 hour interrogations leaving Birth Mothers in tears and there has been no word of when PGN might start releasing cases again.

But this afternoon, http://www.guatadopt.com/ posted a link to a new Central Authority website that offers assurances that there is every intention of honoring the law grandfathering in cases from last year. They state that all in process adoptions that have been handled in a legal fashion will continue expeditiously. I am hoping and praying that they honor their word. So far, the actions we’ve seen lately do not seem to support this.

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I have to leave it alone for a while – I’m wearing myself down to nothing with all this worry. So I’ll leave you with pictures of my flower children. I try to take a similar themed picture of Gracie to match Danny’s from the children’s home. So here they are, stopping to smell the dandelions and the daisies. I’ve added a bonus picture of Josh at about the same age as Danny is now, enjoying the fake outdoors at the photographer’s.
Thank you as always for your prayers and kind words.

Josh: 10 months

Danny: 9.5 Months

My sweet girl: 3 years old!

Partly Cloudy...

We’ve had a strange spring here in the northland. With only a handful of 70 degree days so far this year, it’s the coldest spring in over a decade. Our April showers have not yet turned to May flowers. This is the latest I can ever remember waiting for the lilacs to bloom.

Our mood is a perfect match for the weather: endless waiting for long sunny spring days. An occasional clear sky and sunshine highlights our lives, but mostly it is shivering and waiting.

During drizzly gloomy days, I read the web postings about humiliating interviews with birth mothers and raids on reputable children’s homes. My heart aches for these brave women who are subjecting themselves to cruel and insensitive questioning. I pray the children caught up in the heartless raids will not be dragged from the only home they have ever known.

And when will our sweet boy come home? We have no idea. I’m thankful that our Birth Mother’s interview is complete, but we have no clue where our case is in PGN. Who knows if and or when PGN will decide to open its doors again.

And my heart is not the only one that’s breaking. There are nearly three thousand broken hearts across this country: parents waiting and wondering.

But I am thankful for the patches of sun. Those days when we’ve been able to play outside and feel the sun gain the upper hand over the cool breezes are golden. And there are golden moments in our lives, too.

My sweet girl celebrated her third birthday this week. It was a day of undivided attention and family time. And the sun was shining! We headed to the doctor’s (no shots!); the zoo; our favorite sensory overload restaurant; a carousel ride; then home, a couple presents and bed. (OK, the bed sounds too good to be true and it is – sleep finally took over at about 9:30pm!)

Three-year-old with the wingspan of a Canada Goose!

And that’s not all. A few nights ago, a wonderful ray of sunshine sent by a friend I’ve never met but will always carry in my heart. There in my inbox were photos taken with a mother’s eye that make me smile whenever I look at them. So, here’s your ray of sunshine for the day!

(Thanks Stephanie!)

Eat...Pray...Love...

This is a time when all families with children waiting in Guatemala need your prayers and your compassion. This is a time to do the same for the birth mothers of the children who wait.

It is now certain that interviews will take place with all birth mothers. I would never want to take away a chance from a woman to change her mind or to be heard. If there are women who are having second thoughts they should be heard. But the process in place is cruel and barbaric.

Birth mothers are being forced to come to the PGN building for interviews. The press is in full force as are protesters. Women who made courageous, very private choices are now being photographed for the entire world to see. The children are also being photographed. The address of one birth mother as well as the address of her biological child’s foster home was published in a local newspaper. How can this be for the good of the mothers and the children? What is there to gain in making this a public spectacle?

Today was the day that the birth mother of our son was interviewed. The report back (not from the lawyer but from the Children’s Home) was that the interview went well and that her responses were “adequate.” I hope and pray that she can put this humiliating experience behind her and I hope she can know in her heart how much we will love and care for the child she gave birth to if we are given the chance. And of course, I hope that the politicians caught up in the posturing will be moved to feel compassion for all the lives tangled up in this mess, especially the waiting children.

I hope this young woman is blessed as I am to have a network of friends who would drop everything to give a hug or encouragement when needed.

Without the love and prayers from all of you I can’t imagine finding the strength to walk this road.

Today some friends made a long drive out to my house to bestow hugs, lunch and chocolate. Gracie and I are already halfway through the first bar, but there are three left. I think this will carry us through the weekend and we’ll cross Monday’s bridge when we come to it.

Therapy: Dark Chocolate & Organic

Thank you, dear friends!

Bad Court/Good Court

Here is a picture of the PGN window. The message says it all: No cases are being released.

Rumor in the blog world is that PGN is reviewing all cases in their office. First: cases will be those signed and ready for release. Next: cases that were awaiting signatures. Then: cases on the second reviewer’s desk. (All second reviewers are attorneys. All second reviewers have been fired.) From there, PGN will continue to work through cases.

There is some speculation that this preliminary review may take a month. Others hope for a quicker turn-around time. But everyone agrees: there will be delays.

Bad PGN Court. Bad!

Here is a picture of Gracie tearing up a ticket. I received it about a month ago for forgetting to renew my license tabs. I forgot to renew my tabs because I never got the renewal reminder notice. I never got the reminder notice because we moved and my address was never changed by the department of licenses. I registered my change of address with them two years ago.

I decided to take this ticket to court and beg for mercy. The fine was $105 and in addition to the cost of the license tabs.

I had my case prepared. Be humble; accept responsibility; demonstrate good faith effort to comply with the rules; parade out my excellent driving record and lack of a criminal record. (I have the notarized, validated, authenticated dossier documents to prove it!) Finally, I planned to beg for leniency while pointing out the challenges of a single-income family. The final prong of my court strategy was to bring my daughter. I resisted the temptation to smudge dirt on her face to make her look like a pathetic urchin.

I knew things were looking up when the first thing the judge said was: “Oh! What beautiful hair! Is that naturally curly hair like Sally in Charlie Brown*? Oh! My wife would love to see this. She would love hair like that!”** Sixty seconds later, after a gentle chiding: (“our notices are only a courtesy – it is your responsibility to keep your license plates current...”) my fine was waved, we learned that Grace and the judge’s grandmother share a birthday, and Gracie was ushered out with a lolly-pop and an invitation to come back and visit any time.

After the ordeals we’ve been through with the Guatemalan court system lately, I almost wept at this man’s kindness and understanding.

Good Traffic court. Good!

*It’s actually Frieda who has the naturally curly hair in Charlie Brown, but there was no way I was going to point this out!

**Although I did have a pleasant flashback to my toddler days when I heard the same thing, he was of course talking about Grace’s hair.

P.S. Thank you for your kind words, meaningful prayers, hugs, e-mails, and comments. They are boosting me up!

Surreal Saturday...

April 26, 2008 - snow and buds

We woke up to snow on the ground today. With May just a few days away, this is strange even in our part of the country.

However, the weather is playing right into the surreal nature of the past week. As we waited for news from PGN (it’s been six weeks since our re-submission), disturbing events began to unfold on the Guatemalan political scene.

First, the current Attorney General (PGN is the office of the Attorney General), was removed by the new president and a new AG was appointed. The old AG has appealed the case in court.

In the meantime, the new AG has removed the Sub-Attorney General, who is the person who signs off on all adoptions. The AG has ordered an audit of all processes in PGN to get to the bottom of allegations of corruption and inefficiency.

All operations at PGN have slowed or halted completely. Even cases signed by the old Sub-AG are on hold. Adoptions are on hold pending an outcome of the court case as well as the outcome of the audit.

Today, http://www.guatadopt.com/, a very reliable source for adoptions news, reports the likelihood of the Central Authority interviewing all birth mothers again (they have already been interviewed by a social worker and signed off on the adoption four times.) The caseload of adoptions pending is over 2,000. Even though the government pledged to process cases under the old system, it seems things may change.

The last delay was two-and-a-half months. No one knows what is to come this time.

If the changes at the PGN do eliminate cronyism and corruption, this will be a very good thing for the Guatemalan people. But more delays in cases that have been evaluated and re-evaluated is not a good thing for our waiting children.

Tonight, I’m feeling very hopeless. I think the fact that April is the anniversary of Josh’s diagnosis, and the beginning of a journey that led to the loss of our son is weighing heavy on my mind as we travel another frustrating road with obstacles every step of the way.

Hopelessness doesn’t mean I’m giving up on Danny – I just feel too tired to go on. I am so so tired.

After the rollercoaster of last week, I have made myself a promise: I am going to honor my feelings. I am not going to feel guilty about feeling miserable. If I feel giddy with joy tomorrow, I’m not going to feel guilty about celebrating even in the midst of uncertainty about Danny’s future.

So tonight, I’m miserable, very sad and very very tired.

Please pray for all of us who are walking this very long and uncertain path and especially for the children who are waiting to come home.

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My sweet boys:

April, 2008

April, 2003